Growing an Animal-inclusive Culture of Consent

content warning for triggering material, including violence against women, sexual violence, misogyny, transmisogyny, child abuse, elder abuse, ableism, colonization, transphobia, homophobia, patriarchy, racism & violence against animals.

consent is fucking amazing.

when used to its full potential, consent is about a relationship of respect & trust dependent upon honest communication and patient expression of wants.

part 1.
but to best articulate all the reasons why it is just so fucking special, there needs to be first a clear understanding of what consent is all about –
1) what it is and what it is not; and
2) how it can be used safely in an unsafe world.

part 2.
then, having unpacked this concept, we can look towards living examples of consent, to better illustrate what we’re talking about. this includes

• sexual consent;
• consent in media representation;
• consent in identification;
• consent in education; and
• consent in self-determination.

the hope here, in drawing from these examples above, is to shift our attention towards recognizing many of the unique & varied ways that consent is (and is not) already being expressed in different contexts and relationships.

part 3.
after all that is said & done, there needs to be some honest talk about the limits of consent when living in an oppressive culture of rape and exploitation. this means learning ways to adapt consent and understanding how to recognize when “consent” is being abused by those wishing to manipulate behaviour.

part 4.
and finally, only once the above has been fully understood, can we attempt a careful exploration of the ways that consent can & does apply to the context of non-human advocacy and species-inclusive community building.

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part 1

what consent is, and what consent is not

okay first, to outright dispel the patriarchal propaganda that “consent” is something messy, complicated or vague (so as to justify & defend rape culture), a plain and simple explanation of consent goes something like:
communicating yes on your own terms.

pretty straightforward, isn’t it?
not asking a lot of anyone either, is it?
“Oh, so you mean i cannot act on self-serving assumptions of what another person wants? even if my intentions are honest?”
ya-huh, that’s exactly what consent means – because the whole point is that consent is precisely not about what you feel, believe or desire about someone else.
rather, consent is all about illustrating how what really matters is how what you feel, believe and desire is exclusively determined by your own self, always.

any and every time, you are responding to something – like a question, an assumption, an action, a behaviour – there requires your voluntary and explicit agreement to clearly affirm your own participation (in whatever activity – sex or a conversation).

but it doesn’t stop there – not only can you withdraw your consent at any time for any reason (including not giving a reason!), but it is the responsibility of the other(s) involved to be checking in with you to confirm your continued consent.
so think of consent as having a very quick expiry, necessitating it to be continuously renewed even if nothing has [appeared to have] changed.

and as already noted, the practice of consent applies to many, many situations. it’s not just about sexual intimacy between monogamous cis-hetero couples, duh.

if you still have any questions about what consent is all about, then view these 2 videos below and review the chart below that.

the video above is available in written format here.

okay, now watch Amber Rose do her thing:

and here is Planned Parenthood‘s chart on recognizing enthusiastic consent:

so remember: consent is an agreement that needs to be addressed with clear, open and honest communication, and – though i hope this is obvious to us all – the absence of a “no” does not ever imply consent.

and this agreement shows up in all sorts of ways that we relate to others, including:

• speaking only for yourself, and not for someone else;
• decide how you live your life, and not how another lives their life;
• choosing how to behave, and not how someone else decides to behave;
• expressing yourself in an honest way, and not limiting how someone else expresses themselves; or
• caring for and responding to your own feelings and experiences, and not controlling how someone else feels and experiences these same situations.

got all that?
yes – it is that simple.
fucking amazing, just like i told you.

but how can consent be used safely in an unsafe world??

boundaries

to practice consent safely means to understand a thing called boundaries.
you need to know where yours are and how to assert them.

a boundary is that nifty invisible barrier that protects you from the outside world, keeping you safe from overextending yourself and also from taking in too much pain. if it helps you remember, think of it as a safety blanket or some power ranger shield.
a firm boundary means that you know where you yourself (in capacity and responsibilities) begin, and where they end.
these can include:

• physical boundaries – because consent is a whole body experience, you need to know what makes you feel good and what does not. of course, your turn-ons will change with situations, experience, partners, and trust, so give space for that.
• emotional boundaries – all consent involves emotional consent, as you define the expectations of the relationship (whatever it is). this stuff is so important because as relationships change from casual to intimate & everywhere in between, you communicating emotional needs will change with it.
• mental boundaries – since consent is about a series of informed decisions, your mind is kind of important in that equation. so you need to be checking in with yourself in ways that allow you to understand what you’re thinking – what’s your reasoning for this and are drugs/alcohol influencing it? this seemingly redundant analysis of your thinking actually makes for good decisions.

use some of the suggestions offered from Transformative Justice Toronto, who offer asking questions to yourself like:

“What makes it hard for you to state your needs/ boundaries?
What makes it difficult to listen to others’ boundaries?
When do you feel reactive to people’s needs?
How do you react?
What self care and skills do you need when you feel rejected so that you don’t cross someone else’s boundaries?
How do you check in with yourself in an ongoing basis so that you know you’re okay with what’s going on?” (1)

and if/when you are in situations where someone’s boundaries are crossed, then be accountable to that harm caused, because:

“We all screw up.
The goal is to learn how to screw up less by knowing your patterns, but it also means learning how to be accountable when you have screwed up.
Be proactive; talk to the person whose boundaries you think you’ve crossed, focus on their feelings–not your guilt–and find out what their needs are.
They may want to talk about it and they may not—it’s important that you respect their wishes.” (1)

communication

so basically what you need to remember here is that to maintain good boundaries you need to work on good communication. because consent is really all about expressing yourself honestly and confidently, whether it be your agreement or disagreement to proceed with anything.
of course, its probably ideal to be having these conversations – where possible – during a time when you’re not being physically intimate and are sober.

and that is really important to note – consent is something to be constantly communicated through a mutually empowering negotiation – it is not a one-way transaction of something to be gotten, bargained, given away, or “won”.

“no means no” is probably the most popularized form of communicating consent, and while it (and the more affirmative “yes means yes”) slogans are at least something, they fail to illustrate that consent is more than a simple verbal “yes-or-no”. [2]

for one, it should be emphasized that there are many other ways to communicate “no”: saying you’re tired, crying, pulling away, delaying – basically anything that is not a consistently enthusiastic “yes please thanks for asking”.
second, “no means no” talk tends to put the responsibility on one person to resist or accept.

and further, it cannot be overstated that consent is a verb to represent the action of an ongoing dialogue about your wants and your comfort.

and for everyone who ever does receive a “no”, please learn how to accept that rejection with grace, maturity and appreciation of being told something with honesty (and remember that if there is ever any ambiguity in the other party’s consent, assume it to be a “no” until confirmed otherwise).

similarly, folks always need to be seeking consent when attempting to identify another individual. this means that you are acting like a decent person if you stop yourself from making totally unnecessary – and potentially upsetting, triggering – guesses at the way another wants to be addressed.

assuming this is any of your business of course (which it so often is not), then just fucking ask the person and then believe them & remember their answer.

this happens all the time when people misidentify someone by their race, by their age, by their ability, by their sexual orientation, by their religion, by their gender. and because darkmatterpoetry already explained so well how consent relates to trans-inclusive feminism, i am just going to refer you to lovely their words:

“Trans feminism looks like recognizing that gendering people without their consent is a form of gender violence.
Trans feminism looks like recognizing that you don’t have to be a woman to be a feminist because you don’t have to be a woman to experience sexism and trans/misogyny.
Trans feminism looks like decoupling “femininity” from “womanhood,” and holding space for a vast spectrum of femininities that grace many bodies who do not identify as women.
Trans feminism looks like recognizing that we will never win if we continue to fight patriarchy with the gender binary because patriarchy is the systematic policing and regulation of the gender binary.
Trans feminism looks like holding space and accountability for all of the ways that all of us (regardless of our gender) are capable of enacting patriarchal violence on one another…

Trans inclusive feminism does not just look like cisgender women gatekeeping who is allowed to speak about gender violence.
Trans inclusive feminism does not look like only incorporating binary trans women who fit normative conventions of what a woman should look, act, speak, and experience violence like.
Trans inclusive feminism does not look like requiring trans and gender non-conforming people to narrate our experiences and identities through the rubric of “woman,” or else just dismissing us as “men.”
Trans inclusive feminism does not look like reinforcing the gender binary by maintaining that all women are victims and all men are perpetrators.
It does not look like reducing gender to our bodies, it does not look like making assumptions about people’s histories based off of what they look like, in fact it does not look like requiring someone to look like anything at all.”

then once older, more emphasis can be put upon explaining difficult matters like how certain factors might prevent people from consenting –  including intoxication, disability, and age (being too young to understand).

it is important to explain that the earlier these types of conversations happen in peoples lives, the more likely our communities can be prepared in creating a new culture that centres consent as normal.

for more on educating children, read here and here.
and for why to not force children to hug people, read this.

consent in self-determination

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part 3

practising consent within a culture of rape

consenting to … exploitation?

okay, if you have read this far i hope you are beginning to see some of the ways that this powerful thing called consent fits into animal politics.

everything said above, so far, has been an effort to define consent, define consent’s limitations in rape culture, and articulate how consent is a defining value shared among many resistances against oppression.
how so?
because consent embodies the ideal, the politic, carried within communities advocating for self-autonomy, accountability and respect in the face of peoples & institutions that wish to exploit, repress and harm them.

and because cultures of consent are the solutions to the realities of oppressive rape culture, it seems literally impossible to imagine fostering any culture of consent when every other species on this planet remains forgotten in conversations about the freedom to say “no”.

at its fullest potential, consent is about nurturing self-empowerment in a society that constantly wishes to dis-empower you. and so, of course, this thing called consent is relevant to animals and their liberation. 

at a very basic level, consent exists in all our relationships with animals, whether we choose to acknowledge it or not. it exists in 1) how we exploit them, 2) how we interact with them and 3) how we advocate for them.

exploitation

“Eating meat is something you do to someone else’s body without their consent…
It’s imperative that they hear and understand that consuming animal products is doing something to someone else’s body without the consent of that individual.” (11)

institutionalized animal abuse is a normalized element of most human cultures – it is so pervasive that most people will never question whether animals actually consent to this system of organized violence.
it has been claimed that this began as far back as ancient cultures like the Greeks, who recognized an animal’s lack of consent in their slaughter, and so invented the claim that the gods demanded a sacrifice – to “scapegoat” the blame for taking a life without consent. (12)

but regardless of the rationale given for harming an animal, the same relationship of non-consent exists wherein someone with power – a human – dominates another through imposing obligations/restrictions upon the life of another – an animal – who is consistently abused through physical and psychological harm (and fear of harm).

if consent is about respecting bodily autonomy, then it is fairly straightforward to recognize that because an animal would have no interest in offering their lives, or body parts or bodily excretions, to a human, then these interactions must be non-consensual. because for consent to be a meaningful option, requesting something from someone else would imply that they can independently decide in a position of comfort (and not a position of desperation, choosing a lesser of evils, such as being more forcibly violated and punished afterwards).

obviously, there are plenty of videos already existing online that capture an animal in their last moments before being slaughtered for food/clothing/testing. watching this content, though extremely upsetting, makes it obvious that animals resist death even in their last breaths.
and similar to the observations earlier that simplistic comparisons of consent for tea and sex tend to fail when reconsidered within a context of rape culture, it is also important to appreciate that capitalism and industries are wholly invested in ensuring animals consistently “consent” to offering their bodies and lives for exploitation.

“Species don’t make choices; individuals do.”

and it is important to note, that while consent is most familiarized with the subject of sexual consent among humans, there remains a great deal of sexual abuse of animals by humans – or more specifically, female farmed animals being sexually abused by male workers and farmers.
this seems to be particularly interesting within kanada and other nations that have criminalized the practice of bestiality (sexual relations with animals for human arousal), because even though there is almost always a lack of actual sexual arousal among the human perpetrators towards the animal victims, acts of sexual assault and abuse are nevertheless still being routinely committed (even if in the name of capitalism).

interaction

consent exists in every relationship – including relations between humans and animals.

it exists in our big interactions with them – like when our human species displaces, cages, breeds, domesticate, slaughters and extinct various other species of animals.

and it exists in our small interactions with them – like when we pass by animal strangers outside during our daily routines, or when we interact with animal-related media online/on television, or when choosing who to eat and who not to eat for a meal.

but one of the largest difficulties surrounding animal consent is the fact that we cannot speak a common cross-species language. so, how do you communicate consent without a common language?

well, like as noted above with sexual consent, there is the need to follow non-verbal communication and body language that can convey when an animal is comfortable and when an animal feels exposed or harmed.

a super common example, that may help illustrate what this can look like, is the fact that so many humans will approach and begin touching dogs in public. and this is so often really inappropriate because it fails to respect that each animal deserves their own personal space and time to consent to meet a stranger. (13).

but for every other situation, much of how we relate and learn to respect animals is going to be dependent upon observation and careful interpretation.
so it seems appropriate to follow the same criteria regarding seeking consent between humans, meaning consent needs to be:

• active – meaning it is ongoing and always open to change without notice
• enthusiastic – meaning it should be a decision made free of any kind of pressure.
• specific – meaning “yes” to one thing is only a “yes” to that specific thing.
• informed – meaning they should understand what they are consenting to as much as possible, and otherwise be allowed to leave if they become uncomfortable or feel unsafe.

because animals will always exist as particularly vulnerable communities within our society, we all need to actively accommodate how to improve our complex relationships of interdependency with these other beings. and this means that we prevent ourselves from assuming we can define their lived experience by appropriating their voice (“voice of the voiceless” ahem) to say what they think/want/feel.
taking such a role means we have begun to collude with the powers that uphold the hierarchies of inequality and manipulation through cultures of domination.

“From that time forth he believed that the wise man is one who never sets himself apart from other living things, whether they have speech or not, and in later years he strove long to learn what can be learned, in silence, from the eyes of animals, the flight of birds, the great slow gestures of trees.” [13.1]

advocacy

how do we represent consent when we advocate for animals?
how do we fail to make space for consent when we advocate for animals?

when animal rights fuck up real bad by triggering everyone when they call the dairy industry a “rape industry”, you’d at least think that then these same people respect the notion of consent for everyone.
but when we leaflet or protest in the streets, or share images & videos online, how often are we seeking consent from our audience to be exposed to the often extremely violent content? if you disregard someone who communicates that they feel triggered or emotionally upset by a conversation, then you are literally denying one form of consent for another. and the moment you do this, you undo alllll your efforts by contributing instead to a culture of rape and not a culture of consent.

if animal rights scenes really truly respect the concept of consent (and are just ignorant of a wider vocabulary of more appropriate words besides “rape”, such as “reproductive freedom” and “bodily autonomy”), and are not simply tokenizing it as a tactic to advance their version of empowerment, then you’d assume every animal rights scene is prioritizing a culture of consent. yes?

in the video below, there is a particularly important point which draws attention to the question asking whether animals would actually consent to us advocates repeatedly publicizing their moments of being sexually assaulted or physically killed.
while obviously, we need to be making their abuses known to the public, that does not justify the heavy reliance on shock-tactics so common among animal rights campaigns:

so if you are attempting to advocate for animals, for our cousins who are repeatedly having their ability to consent repressed, consider how you communicate that point.
if your campaigning looks less like centring the subjectivity of an animal experiencing a slaughterhouse or losing a newborn child, and more policing the food consumption and self-determination of strangers, you’re doing it wrong.

growing an animal-inclusive culture of consent

so what does a consent culture, otherwise known as a nurturance culture, look like where all species are welcomed and defended?

A consent culture is one in which the prevailing narrative of sex–in fact, of interaction–is centered around mutual consent.
It is a culture with an abhorrence of forcing anyone into anything, a respect for the absolute necessity of bodily autonomy, a culture that believes that a person is always the best judge of their own wants and needs. [14]

it looks like confronting realities of privilege and vulnerability.
by actively understanding that our culture is defined by power imbalances (so that no two people are really ever equal in the social hierarchy), and because power does not occur in a vacuum [15], we need to keep talking about power and how it contributes to relationships of exploitation or abuse.
we can combat this by fostering self-respect and mutual respect as we all learn to practice at communicating more about our needs and mistakes. this should also look like redefining power away from dominance and towards inspiring one another.

it looks like defending survivors. 
any effort towards developing a culture of consent needs to simultaneously be an effort at deconstructing of rape culture.
one example of what that looks like is this:
when a sexual assault is called out, commit to believing the survivor [16] and to not questioning their word or denying their experience of being harmed.
further, it looks like being more prepared to respond to sexual assaults when they arise in our communities and activist scenes – so as to properly deal with the harm done and to ensure that others are not vulnerable or isolated due to inaction.
read these resources on how to respond to sexual assault as a mass mobilization, and how to practice active listening skills with survivors, and how to be a good ally for survivors.

it looks like holding perpetrators accountable for behaviour.

this means that we are all responsible for helping create a shared space. the ways that we engage with and support one another is a collective responsibility. and this looks like actively thinking about power imbalances in our relationships so that we can prevent certain power dynamics from enabling perpetrators to act with impunity.
so be aware of the impacts of your own behaviour and take responsibility for what you say and do by remaining open to listening to others when they tell you that you have made a mistake.
read here for resources on Thinking Through Perpetrator Accountability and Accountability Process Suggestions for People Working on Patriarchal or Sexually Abusive Behavior.

it looks like becoming more empathetic to other perspectives and the ways that we affect others through our words and actions [17].
all of us bring with us identities of power that come from systems that have been (and continually are) put in place to benefit some and oppress others.
whether it is white supremacy for white folks, patriarchy for masculine folks, or capitalism for the wealthy. [18] and there are certain folks more likely to be targeted by discrimination and violence, including two-spirited and trans women, women with disabilities, children, sex workers and women of colour. [18]

it looks like improving our communication skills.
this can happen all sorts of ways, whether it be small adjustments in our behaviour if someone offers us feedback, or simply asking people before discussing triggering topics like sexual assault or police brutality.
and because so much of these topics are difficult and emotional, respect that people do not owe you any well-articulated response to why your “good intentions” does not help un-trigger them.
it can also look simply like shutting up, more often and for longer.

“To work is not a free choice. No work is. Work is a product of capitalist patriarchy. You may like your job. You may hate your job. You may feel that your job changes the world. You may feel as though your job is pointless. You may work at home as a parent, or you may work in an investment bank. Maybe you think you chose your work, or maybe you feel as though you’re just trying to make ends meet and wish you could be a doctor rather than an accountant.

For most of us, work is a necessity to survive. It is doing something we would not normally do–no matter how much you like your job, would you do it for eight hours a day without any pay?–in exchange for the means to live. Ultimately, we are all being coerced into work: sometimes gently, and sometimes forcibly, as is seen in workfare programmes. To work is not a free choice, and it is a travesty that after centuries of capitalism, many simply cannot imagine a future without work so invent fairy stories about the glory and honour in work.

Sexual consent is not a free choice. Not completely, not 100%. We have all absorbed some of capitalist patriarchy, and may feel obliged, or feel pity, or feel horny or drunk or any of the other emotions that may lead to sex which under other circumstances we would not have had sex. There are power differentials under patriarchy: in heterosexual sex, the man will have more power. Sex which rejects this power differential–for example, political lesbianism–is still shaped by patriarchy. It is not a free choice, it is a rejection of another norm. Even celibacy falls prey to this. We are mired in social relations and power relations when it comes to sex, yet we are able to make choices which are adequately consensual.

Sex and work are full of problems which require addressing, which require criticism and discussion with an eye to radical, revolutionary solutions. Yet at present, we must know that these things are full of compromise, and we are not making completely free choices, but merely the freest choice possible. Many are not thinking this broadly, which is precisely why there is so much nonsense levelled at sex workers.”

keep reading ❤

• Philly’s Pissed – Learning Good Consent
• Philly’s Pissed – Beginners Guide to Responsible Sexuality (for men)
• Philly’s Pissed – Support
• Philly Stands Up: Inside the Politics and Poetics of Transformative Justice and Community Accountability in Sexual Assault Situations
• INCITE National – The Revolution Starts at Home: Confronting Partner Abuse in Activist Communities
• Responding to Sexual Assaults as Mass Mobilizations
• Active Listening Skills (for sexual assault survivor support)
• Sexual Assault Disclosure
• National Sexual Violence Resource Centre
• Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN)
• Promoting Awareness | Victim Empowerment (PAVE)
• National Sexual Violence Resource Centre (NSVRC)
• White Ribbon
• Men Can Stop Rape

• Driver’s Ed for the Sexual Superhighway: Navigating Consent

• The Consensual Project

Resources for Survivors of Sexual Assault:

• Forgiving Myself- excerpt from I’ve got angels in my head – zine by billie
  rain
  http://dorisdorisdoris.com/forgiving
• Girl THRIVE: Teens Heal Rape Incest Victoriously Emerge
  http://girlthrive.com/
• Healing Tips (if you are being triggered) from the zine I’ve Got Angels in
  My Head, by Billie Rain
  http://www.dorisdorisdoris.com/triggered.html
• Herbs for Trauma
  http://zinelibrary.info/herbs-trauma
• I will Survive: the African American Guide to Healing from Sexual Assault
  and Abuse by Lori Robinson
  http://www.worldcat.org/title/i-will-survive-the-african-american-guide-…
• Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network
  http://www.rainn.org/
• Soul Speak Out: Share your Survivor Story
  http://www.soulspeakout.org/
• Support New York: A Direct Action Survivor Support Network
  http://supportny.org/
• The Sexual Healing Journey: a Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Wendy
  Maltzrrr
  http://www.worldcat.org/title/sexual-healing-journey-a-guide-for-survivo…
• The Survivor’s Guide to Sex: How to Have an Empowered Sex Life after Child
  Sexual Abuse by Stacy Haines
  http://www.worldcat.org/title/survivors-guide-to-sex-how-to-have-an-empo…

Resources for Supporters of Sexual Assault Survivors:

• A Peer Counseling Primer by Basil
  http://healingtrauma.pscap.org/peer-primer.html
• Active Listening Skills for Sexual Assault Survivor Support- from Medic Wiki
  http://medic.wikia.com/wiki/Active_Listening_Skills_%28for_sexual_assaul…
• Responding to Sexual Assaults at Mass Mobilizations from Medic Wiki
  http://medic.wikia.com/wiki/Responding_to_Sexual_Assaults_as_Mass_Mobili…
• Sexual Assault Disclosure from Medic Wiki
  http://medic.wikia.com/wiki/Sexual_Assault_Disclosure
• Supporting a Survivor of Sexual Assault- by Men Against Rape Culture and
  Ubuntu
  http://zinelibrary.info/supporting-survivor-sexual-assault

Resources for People Called Out for Sexual Assault:

• What to Do When Someone Tells You that You Committed (sexual) assault
  http://zinelibrary.info/what-do-when-someone-tells-you-you-committed-sex…
• We are All Survivors, We Are all Perpetrators
  http://zinelibrary.info/we-are-all-survivors-we-are-all-perpetrators-wha…

Resources Specifically for Male-Identified Folks:

• Dealing with our shit: six years of men’s group and accountability work
  http://zinelibrary.info/dealing-our-shit-six-years-mens-group-and-accoun…
• Men Can Stop Rape
  http://www.mencanstoprape.org/
• Men Unlearning Rape from http://teachingsexualethics.org
  http://zinelibrary.info/men-unlearning-rape